BEFORE CPT Paul Olsen completed his first tour in Iraq as commander of Company A, 2nd Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, his wife, Erin, contemplated what life was like before her husband’s most recent deployment; the couple had spent two of the past three years living on different continents.
Erin said she spent time wondering where he was, what he was doing, and whether he was thinking of her and the baby they were expecting.
“Being married to a Soldier at war is difficult,” Erin said. But today she recognizes her relationship has reached a level many Army marriages don’t.
“I’ve seen many marriages fall apart due to the stress that deployments put on Soldiers and their families,” she said. “Life in the Army is hard, and you have to be truly committed to the other person and the life you’ve built together in order for it to last.”
Statistics provided by the Army chief of chaplains indicate that 8,367 Army couples divorced in 2005, making the Army’s divorce rate higher than that of any other military service.
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Given that fact, Army leaders are introducing new initiatives to help reduce divorce rates, improve mission readiness and enhance Soldier well-being.
“The Army has launched a tremendous number of family support programs since the war began,” said LTC Peter J. Frederich, family ministries officer for the office of the Army Chief of Chaplains.
“Strong Bonds,” a proactive and holistic marriage initiative, is among those. It provides guidance to single Soldiers, married couples, families and those facing deployment in order to stem potential problems.
“Strong Bonds is different from anything we’ve tried before, because it isn’t a counseling program,” said Frederich. “Counseling means something is wrong and we’re going to fix it. This is more of a pre-emptive education initiative.”
Strong Bonds is unit-based and calls upon commanders to provide adequate time on their training calendars to allow chaplains to come in and administer program training.
So far, survey results of the program have been positive Couples who complete it “show marked improvement in skills and habits that lead to increased marriage satisfaction and survival,” said Frederich. Additionally, the study reveals that “more than 90 percent of those who participated in Strong Bonds reported that the program was helpful and appreciated.”
“Military One Source” is another beneficial marriage-related program. It provides online consultants, articles, educational materials and other interactive tools to the military community every day, year-round.
Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Military Community and Family Policy John M. Molino told the American Forces Press Service that “Military One Source is a revolutionary augmentation to the family services we currently have on military installations around the world. It leverages technology and enables the Department of Defense to provide assistance to families and service members via the Internet or toll-free telephone numbers.”
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Programs like Military One Source and Strong Bonds seem to be having a significant impact on divorce statistics.
The number of Army marriages that ended in divorce when the war began in 2003 was 2.8 percent. While that number spiked to 3.9 percent in 2004, Frederich said the percentage has declined ever since and is currently less than 3.3 percent.
CPT Patrick M. Gordon, who returned from Iraq in November 2006, said that while programs are helpful, Soldiers must take the first step toward maintaining a strong marriage.
“Preparation is the key,” said Gordon, who has been married and in the military for seven years. “You must prepare the family for success.”
Gordon and his wife Michelle, who is pregnant with their first child, encourage all couples facing deployment to practice communication, mutual respect and understanding well before the deployment.
“I think you have to make sure that your spouse is prepared for deployment just like you are,” Gordon said. “Several months before I deployed, I made sure that we had a plan to cover all the angles. I think a lot of Soldiers take off and leave their spouses unprepared to deal with issues, and this can cause grief for the Soldiers, the chains of command and the spouses.”
MAJ Amy R. Johnson, who divorced her husband LTC Craig Hess in 2002 and remarried him this year, said she feared the stigma of seeking help when she experienced problems with him.
The officers married in 1996 and were separated for much of their first five years together. As much as they wanted their relationship to work, pressures of increasing job responsibilities, twins and long-term separations quickly wore on the couple’s relationship.
“We worked in an environment where many dual-military couples worked, and it was clear that we were not the only ones struggling with these issues,” Johnson said.
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