Defending your life as a criminal defense lawyer
“You try to get them off?”
“Well, not sexually.”
“What if you win and your client goes out and committed the same crime again? Wouldn’t you feel awful?”
“Hey, recidivism pays the bills.”
“You kidding?”
“Yes, I’m kidding. I actually represent only poor people.”
“Why?”
“A number of reasons. My father claims I discriminate against the rich.”
“So you’re a public defender?”
“Sort of. My actual title is ‘bar advocate.’”
“Huh?”
“Actually, it’s a ridiculous title - it basically means I’m court- appointed.”
“Oh, I thought those were the worst attorneys.”
(And then I wait for the inevitable … )
“No offense.”
“Trust me, you’re not the only one who has that misconception. But the fact is, some of the best attorneys in the state are court- appointed.”
“Have you ever represented anyone charged with murder?”
“A couple times.”
“You actually try to convince a jury that a guy who has killed is innocent?”
“Well, now I do appeals, so a jury has already found my client guilty. I then try to convince a higher court to overturn the conviction based on something that happened during the trial that shouldn’t have.”
“So you try to get them off on technicalities?”
“Otherwise known as constitutional protections.”
“Tomato; to-mah-to.”
“More like tomato; garbanzo.”
“Wait a minute. Tomatoes aren’t the same as garbanzos.”
“Exactly.”
“I just don’t see how you can represent these people. I mean what if someone killed one of your relatives? How would you feel about that?”
“That depends. Are you throwing in-laws in the mix?”
“I mean if ….”
“Hang on a second. How about I ask a question here? What if you committed a crime? Wouldn’t you want to be represented as best as possible?”
“I’m not a criminal so that would never happen.”
“Ever get pulled over for speeding?”
“Sure, but that doesn’t make me a criminal.”
“Well, if you were going really fast, that could have been reckless endangerment. And if you hit someone, that could have been vehicular homicide.”
“But I didn’t.”
“So, it’s not that you’re not a criminal; it’s that you’re lucky.”
“What?”
“Now, did you pay those speeding tickets that you got?”
“Didn’t have to. I got them thrown out. A buddy of mine knows someone.”
“But you were actually guilty of speeding.”
“Yeah, but that’s not a big deal. Your clients do horrible things.”
Don’t you think representing them is immoral?”
(Pause.)
“Sorry, I was just waiting for you to follow that up with ‘no offense.’ To answer your question: No, I don’t find it immoral. In fact, I think representing indigent criminal defendants is paradoxically the most moral thing an attorney can do.”
“Wait a minute, you’re trying to say that representing these scumballs is moral?”
“Unquestionably. There’s a number of sociological reasons and there’s the need to keep power in check. There’s also the principle that for every guilty person not defended properly, precedent can be set that might lead to an innocent person going to jail. But the reason that I represent these ’scumballs,’ as you say, is simply because everyone’s a scumball _ some people just have nicer clothes.”