Phenomenal fathers: perfect examples of those who are doing the right thing
By day, John V. Elmore is a successful criminal defense attorney battling injustices in the legal system. By night, he’s a devoted family man. The author of Fighting for Your Life: The African-American Survival Guide, which addresses the issues of Blacks (particularly Black youth) and the American judicial system, experienced a time when he was in need of assistance with his own children. Widowed in 1998, Elmore faced raising three children alone. “When my wife died, I suddenly found myself in a position of needing help. And with God’s blessings, I had family and friends who helped us,” he recalls. “I found out that it’s really hard work to raise a family alone.” Now remarried to third-grade teacher Redahila, Elmore is now the head of a blended family that includes Twilla, 23, Justin, 18, Kristen, 13, and Sonya, 24 (not in photo). A graduate of Mansfield University and Syracuse University College of Law, Elmore has been a defense attorney since 1989 and has law offices in Buffalo and Niagara Falls. His book, meant to deter Black youth from prison, has caused him to be in demand for speaking engagements and radio show appearances. “During the course of my career, African-American people, particularly young people, are ruining their lives because of bad choices, or because of being wrongly accused and not understanding the system,” points out Elmore, who mentors young people and is a recipient of the NAACP Medgar Evers Civil Rights Award. Even though his schedule is hectic, he still makes it a point to be involved in his children’s lives by helping them with their homework, taking family weekend trips and coaching their sports teams. The one thing he stresses is that fathers should allow their children to choose what interests them. Elmore, who ran track in college, found that out when he tried to push youngest daughter Kristen into sports. “Kristen was almost 10 when she told me, “Dad, I’m not into sports. Help me to explore my artistic side.’”
THE REV. MELVIN M. MAXWELL
Minister to Men & Youth, Metropolitan Baptist Church,
Washington, D.C., and father of three
“I know what it is like to not have a father,” says the Rev. Melvin M. Maxwell. In fact, Rev. Maxwell, who oversees the men’s and youth ministry at Metropolitan Baptist Church in Washington, D.C., comes from what he calls “a fractured family.” Born in Brooklyn, he remembers the event that delivered the crushing blow. “My father left home when I was 6 years old,” he recalls. “My mom raised all five boys and one girl by herself.” Yet the experience has only fueled his determination to be a good father to his own three children and to the 50 or so teenagers who flock into the 140-year-old church every Thursday night as part of his regular Bible study group. Rev. Maxwell estimates that about half of the young people who participate in “Thursday Night Teens” lack a positive male role model in their lives. He ’s hoping that his ministry will help fill the void by using practical disciplining tools, such as staged dramas, to make the Bible come alive for his youthful congregation. “We use many vehicles to minister to them so that they are empowered to navigate through the community,” says Rev. Maxwell, noting that group discussion topics range from sexuality to developing life skills. Once, he even brought in a person living with AIDS to address the group. And it’s obvious that Rev. Maxwell takes more than a casual interest in the young people he ministers. “I teach them to drive, go to their events, provide crisis intervention and go to school to talk with instructors,” he says. Today the well-respected church leader has 20 years of experience in the ministry. His youth ministry includes infants to age 19. In addition, he’s also devoted to and proud of his own family, including wife, Cherry, and their three children. Son Maurice, 20, has followed in his father’s footsteps and is active in the ministry. Daughters Mikaela, 16, and Mariah, 14 (not in photo), are regulars in the Thursday night group. So attentive is Rev. Maxwell to his own children–tutoring them in math, coaching them in sports and martial arts–that the people at his church have a nickname for him: “They call me ‘Mr. Mom,’” he laughs.
MICKEY MIDDLETON
Arlington, Texas, tax consultant adopted eight children
It was an unexpected turn of events–a television show, in fact–that would forever change the course of life for Mickey and Karen Middleton. It was a story about eight African-American children, brothers and sisters, who’d been separated and then shuffled through an unrelenting series of foster homes following the death of their mother and the incarceration of their father. It was a story that touched the spiritual and moral fiber of the Middletons, a couple with three children of their own. “I come from a family of 14, and I couldn’t fathom the idea of eight children from one family without parents,” says the proud father. “God put it on our hearts to make them our own. “Middleton, a tax consultant, and his wife, Karen, a teacher and administrator, purchased a bigger house and a minivan large enough to accommodate their newfound family: Robert, 20, Brenda, 19 (neither in photo), Delynn, 18, Matthew, 18, Brandon, 17, Demetria, 16, Jeremie, 16, Charles, 15, Trekedia, 13, Cori, 14, and Kevin, 12. They also had to enlist the support of trusted friends and family to help along the way. “Not everyone believed that we could do this in the beginning,” says Middleton. “But when people began to see the unity of our family and how God was working on our behalf, they understood that this was God’s plan. If you understand that we are all adopted as God’s children, it’s easier to understand the needs of our children,” he adds. “I never doubted that we could do this, but it wasn’t about me. It was about faith in God and a wonderful wife, who is my rock, to make our house a real home for us all.” It is a home, Karen adds, that is made complete by her husband’s inexhaustible devotion to ensuring that their children are afforded every opportunity to achieve their goals. “I don’t want to let a day go by without thanking my husband for being a stand-up father and husband. He spends his money, his time, his strength and his spirit to make sure that we are happy. He is phenomenal to us all. “Now, with their two eldest children out of the nest and two college-bound high school seniors, the Middletons are focused on trying to pay for college. “We cannot afford to pay for college for all 11 children, but we know that God will make a way,” they agree. “Parents are responsible for the input. God takes care of the rest.”